The Craziest Love Story You've Never Heard

Wouldn’t it be funny if you fell in love with someone over six years ago but only just met them in person? Or would it just be painful? Romantic, perhaps? I suppose it depends on the story, but for me this isn’t just a story; it’s my life.

This really happened. This is really happening. There’s an enchanting woman sitting in my apartment right now whom I’ve loved for a long time, and I’m wondering if it’s all just a dream. Once you know the story, maybe you’ll understand why.

Her name is Anastasia, and unlike the movie character, she’s actually real. Her silly dances, a magical smile that lights up my eyes, her impressive intuition, wacky sense of humor, golden hair waving in the wind, it’s all… really her. It’s really her and she’s really here.

I thought I made it all up. Between the barrage of Manti Te’o jokes and the unbelievable set of circumstances that led to us staying apart, it was hard to believe I wasn’t going crazy. I stopped trying to explain it to anyone because it all just sounded a bit insane. Nobody was going to understand because nobody knew the connection we have, and nobody knew our full story. Of course, if I try to talk about the connection we have I’m met with an eye roll or that look people give you when you cut them off in traffic. So, after a while I just shut up and shut down. But we’ll get to that.

It all started eight years ago on Instagram. I was writing my first book, and I began posting poems online and participating in writing communities in order to find an audience. Anastasia was posting some poetry as well and was an active member in some of these same communities. We found each other’s accounts and had a few light interactions. She commented on a few of my posts and one of my best friends had noticed.

“Are you dating anyone?” he asked?

“No, not right now.” I responded.

“What about that hot girl that always comments on your Instagram, what’s up with her?”

“I think I’m in love with her, honestly.”

“Why don’t you try and date her, then?”

“She’s married and lives in Austria.” I replied.

“Yeah, so…” he said, jokingly.

Or at least I thought it was a joke. Something about his tone made me believe he was serious, which I thought was odd. I wasn’t sure if he was serious, and I wasn’t sure if I was either. I said, “I think I’m in love with her” and laughed, but at the same time I felt like I was also serious. I felt something I hadn’t felt before, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it. It wasn’t the same butterflies you get when you like someone new; it was much more penetrating than that. It felt like I knew her somehow.

“Yeah, but she’s married, and she lives in Austria,” I thought. “What the fuck am I supposed to do about that?” Even for me, that’s a little too insane. So, I tried not to think much about it. We would occasionally send each other brief messages and comments, but it was all friendly.

About a year and a half went by, and I heard from Anastasia less and less. Between our mutual disdain for social media and the busyness of life itself, we had barely talked. I hadn’t even been on Instagram in weeks, when one day I decided to open the app. I was casually watching one empty story bleed into the next, when I came across Anastasia’s.

“I’m leaving Instagram, so if you consider me a friend or want to keep in touch, please let me know so we can keep in contact.”

I pressed my thumb onto the screen. It stuck like a tack into the wall. I read it three times over, wondering if we considered each other friends. “She’s not going to respond, just let it go.” I thought. But for some reason, I couldn’t move my thumb. The words “want to keep in touch” pierced through tired eyes and I mustered up the courage to dance with my fingers and send her a message. My heart began to beat, faster and faster.

I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous, but I anxiously awaited her response. Just a few minutes later, there it was. Relief poured over me like the comfort of a hot shower, and I relaxed into the couch. I enjoyed the feeling for a fleeting second before another thought crossed my mind. “I’ll message her tomorrow; I don’t want her to think I’m weird.” So, I did. I messaged her the next day.

No response. Another day passed, and I still hadn’t heard from her. Another, then another, then another. After three days, I had lost all hope that I would ever hear from Anastasia again. So, the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, and she was all but a distant fantasy in my forgotten thoughts.

Then, a Snapchat notification popped up. “People you may know – Anastasia.” I looked at it without any expectations and added her. We soon found ourselves in a chat, and she asked me who this was. I told her it was Jason from Instagram, and then she asked me why I hadn’t messaged her. I explained that I had, but she hadn’t messaged back. We realized she had given me her WhatsApp number and I was trying to text her directly on the phone, and we had a good laugh.

Just a few minutes later, we found ourselves discussing the feasibility of having sex with a kiwi fruit and whether it would be easier for a man or a woman. I knew she was married, so I wasn’t trying to impress her, and I wasn’t nervous. I was just having fun, talking out of my ass like I normally do. Then, I realized she was flirting with me.

“Aren’t you married?” I asked.

“No, lol.” she replied.

“You’re not?”

“Well, technically I am. But I’m going through the divorce. I’m in New Zealand, now.”

My mind began spinning like a lawless ball of yarn, and I was becoming unraveled. I couldn’t understand what was happening. In a million years I did not think this girl would ever be into me. Not only that, but she’s not married? And she’s in New Zealand? That sounds fun, I’ve always wanted to go to New Zealand!

We chatted for hours, and I had never laughed so hard talking to anyone. The conversation was fun, flowing, ridiculous, and interesting. She was smart, goofy, witty, and thought deeply about the world and our place in it. For someone who never quite fit in anywhere, I felt like I was finally understood.

So, we chatted some more. And some more, and some more. It was the holidays, so things were slow in the world. After days of texting, I was in Napa, California with my stepmom’s family for Christmas. Her and my dad hadn’t been together long, so it was all a bit new and awkward for me. Anastasia had texted me, so I looked at my phone and said, “screw it, I’m gonna go give her a call.” I walked out to my car and nervously tapped the phone icon.

 “Well hello, I wasn’t expecting a call!” she said, exuberantly.

What followed was something neither of us could have ever expected.

Jason Scott Brendel is an author, comedian, and deranged lunatic living in Austin, Texas. You can support his creative career by purchasing his laugh-out-loud collection of poetry on Amazon (https://shorturl.at/9MaXR) or by following him on Instagram @JasonBrendel