I Vomited HARD Before My Last Comedy Show

The man behind the piano plays a lively tune in the corner of the airport café. Some people notice more than others. An older woman records a video, while she holds a red bag that says “pink” on it. A man of middle age, with tattooed arms and legs, watches with curiosity in his eyes. A couple of little kids are licking their pizza and making faces at each other. We clap sparsely at the end of the song.

The present moment is a beautiful dance, even if the drama of my life is a comic disaster. I haven’t eaten anything but fruit and juice for three days. I threw up before my comedy show yesterday, I missed my flight, the woman I love is going back to New Zealand, and I’m completely out of money. I’d say it’s all my fault, but it can be hard to know exactly how much of our lives we’re truly responsible for. And I’ve played the game of self-blame before; it doesn’t lead anywhere positive.

I’m a firm believer that we’re always where we’re supposed to be, no matter how funky the situation. For whatever reason, I just find myself in funky situations all the time. I used to fight it, but I’ve come to accept the wacky and weird journey of my wavering life. I’ve learned that fighting this life only makes things, well… wackier.

A few years ago I left Austin, Texas to go volunteer in the Amazon Rainforest for a few months, and I had a very interesting experience. I’ll share another post in more detail, but I came away with the understanding that society as we know it is a failing experiment. The busyness of our lives, the technology, the infrastructure, it’s all… unnecessary. That doesn’t mean it’s not cool or interesting, but it truly is not necessary.

Out in the jungle there is no electricity, no air conditioning… we didn’t even have meat to eat. All we had were fruits, vegetables, the animals to take care of, and each other. Most importantly, we had purpose as a community. And that’s what’s missing in our modern world. We have our careers, we have our families, we have our friends, but it’s very rare for someone in the modern world to be living in a community where everyone is reliant on each other.

The feelings of peace and deep meaning that came from the experience have stuck with me beyond compare. That, and the freedom from technology, overstimulation, and busywork quelled all of my anxiety and cured my chronic illness. After those few months, I came back home with hope for what life could be.

Then, something interesting happened. I realized I didn’t want to be a part of this society anymore. So, I checked out. The problem, as I’ve learned, is that I was still living in this society. If I was going to check out of this way of life, I should have found one that suits me. Instead, I tried to have my cake and eat it, too. I checked out of the modern way of life while living in Austin, Texas.

So, what happened? The bills piled up, I stopped taking such good care of myself, and I became a bit of a recluse. And I didn’t care. For the first time in my life, I was able to truly enjoy the experience of life, uninterrupted. I could sit on the couch and stare at the wall all day and be perfectly happy. So, I did. I spent most of my days walking around, writing an occasional poem, coming back home, and sitting quietly. And it was fantastic. I didn’t want to do anything else. I genuinely did not have the desire.

Now, I’m both reaping the benefits and paying the cost of that. I’ve grown so much in the spiritual world, but the practical world is now kicking my ass. I suppose you could say I fell asleep into spirituality. I’m currently waking back up to the real world, but it’s been a rude awakening. I’ve had to face a lot of things I don’t like about myself, contend with all the ways I fool myself, and come back to the people I love. For some I’ve been gone for far too long.

In Buddhism, the highest honor is not to become enlightened and retire to the woods, but to become enlightened and bring what you’ve learned back to the world. I would only describe myself as enlightened on occasion, but I most certainly have learned some very valuable lessons about life. To be honest, I mostly kept them to myself over the last few years, and often thought about retiring to the woods. But that’s the easy way out, and it’s a bit selfish.

Merging enlightened awareness and wisdom with practical living is the real challenge, and that’s where I’m at in my journey. I can’t escape who I am. I’m a creative free spirit who is a bit out of his mind. The worst parts of me and the best parts of me both come from the same place, and that’s okay. But if I don’t share my creativity with the world, I’m robbing myself and everyone else of what I’m here for. We’re all here for a reason, and it’s up to us to figure out what that reason is. Once we do, our best bet is to go with our destiny rather than push against it.

I don’t know where this journey will take me, but that’s the fun of it. If I knew the destination it wouldn’t be worth the ride. All I can do is hop on, have fun, do my best, and share it with the world.

I’ll catch you up, and we’re going to see what happens from here.

Right now I’m flying to Los Angeles from Austin to go to a friend’s wedding. I’m with Anastasia, and you can read more about story below.

https://www.quantumcomedy.com/post/the-craziest-love-story-you-ve-never-heard

It’s a wild one, and it’s still unfolding. She’s going to be flying from LAX to New Zealand tonight, and I’ll be going to the wedding, seeing a friend, and then flying to New Zealand later in the week. It might not be the responsible thing to do, but it’s the right thing to do. Sometimes when you love someone you just have to take a leap of faith and figure out the rest later.

I’m planning on staying for a month, but I might have to prostitute myself to make it work. Okay maybe not sexually, but one of the best-case scenarios right now is for me to whore myself out to some life-sucking AI platform that needs me to analyze their shenanigans. My ultimate goal is to make enough money through my writing to support myself and Anastasia, but I’ve set myself back a bit with the whole checking out of society thing. So, some sacrifices might have to be made.

Anyway, I’m on the plane to LA and we’re just going to send it and hope for the best. I’m feeling much better, albeit a little light in the loafers. I have Inflammatory Bowel Disease and it decided to come roaring back with a vengeance just the other day, so I did a full juice cleans and gave my body a reset.

It wasn’t great. I was completely pale in the face, couldn’t eat, and threw up in the sink when my Uber was on the way to pick me up because my car broke down that morning. Anastasia looked at me and said, “you can’t go like this.” I insisted I was fine, and we headed across town to the comedy club, where I was participating in the Funniest Person in Austin Competition. People told me I had a good set and I got solid laughs from the crowd, but I was just trying to survive up there.

For whatever reason, I’ve had to perform comedy under the most intense circumstances lately. And to be honest, I’m really not afraid of anything on stage at this point. Life itself is way scarier than a bit of embarrassment in front of a crowd. Have you ever seen an angler fish? Frightening. Four minutes of dick jokes is no problem, even if I feel like I might die on stage.