Ben Bo's Comedy Journey - Tallinn, Estonia

May 20
3 min read

Updated: 5 days ago

We arrived in Tallinn, Estonia late on some night of the week, probably the 6^th or 7^th? Maybe. I don’t know. All of the days have begun to blur together at this point, especially the nights in Tallinn. This was predominantly for two reasons. One, Boss returned. Boss is a one-of-a-kind character, a relentless optimist who will talk to anyone, anywhere at any time. He reminds me of a past me. He wears a suit at all times, not just on stage.

Honestly, the vibe is rubbing off on me. I would like to experiment with how people treat you differently if you’re in a suit all the time, but that’s an essay for another time. The second reason was because of Robocop (not his actual name). Tallinn is a small city, so anyone who’s around knows Robocop. He is part owner of a bar called Balta Chill (not the actual name).

This bar is open late and has secret rooms. The first night we went there it was around two or three a.m. and the main bars had already closed when we randomly stumbled into Balta Chill. It was pretty packed, but we got drinks and started hanging out. We met Robocop and he immediately hit it off with Burt or Boss… or all of us? He seemed to like us, that’s for sure. He showed us around the spot and into all the secret rooms. Robocop is a perpetual drunk. I’ve never seen him sober, and I’m honestly not sure he has been at any point during the past month. He is loud, obnoxious, and crass. Women say he’s a creep but also end up sleeping with him (which I’ve witness in real time, but more on that later), but he is genuinely a nice guy, even if he’s a bit over-eager to show you his dick tattoo.

Our days in Tallinn began to take on a pattern: perform, go to a bar, then end up at Balta Chill until six in the morning. The nights at Balta Chill are filled with drinks, (compliments of Robocop) weed, and women in the secret room. It has become our second home. We have been given all the secret room door codes, and I was even given a key fob to the building, which I am not supposed to have. After every set we do we wander over to a bar called Moku, where we hang out, meet some people, and then we take the cool ones back to Balta Chill for the after party.

These late-night hangs at Balta chill have defined my time in Tallinn. It’s in these moments I have learned the most about myself and watched myself grow from experiences that may have broken me in the past. I have found that most of these situations are caused by low self-worth, which I used to confuse with self-confidence.

Turns out it is a condition that psychologists have found within the black community. It can best be described as such: Self-confidence is: I have the ability to do “this”, whatever “this” is. Self-worth is: I am good enough, no matter what I do or don’t do. For the longest time I conflated having self-confidence for having self-worth and not being able to distinguish the two has been a big deterrent for a lot of things in my life. For example, it’s one thing to be able to go up and talk to a pretty girl.

It’s a completely different thing to think this pretty girl would be lucky to have me. This distinction has manifested itself in my comedy and sports careers as well.

Robocop, Boss, and Balta Chill have all had a distinctive effect on this journey. The first stint we had in Tallinn, we were here for about three or four days, and we didn’t do much comedy. If I remember correctly it was maybe an open mic or two. But the nighttime adventures, spending time around a lot of beautiful women and connecting with them, really highlighted the difference between self-confidence and self-worth.

I have been aware of the distinction for a while, but in Tallinn was the first time I faced it head on and finally felt like something clicked and changed. Watching Boss and Robocop operate in the same spaces was a big help on that. The key is the absence of ego. You don’t need ego when you know you are enough because you have nothing to protect. You can let go when you know who you are. When you don’t know who you are the ego is always trying to hold onto something. This lesson would serve me well upon our return to Tallinn, after our weekend trip in Riga, Latvia.

- Ben Bo